You know what you do NOT need to put on your face?
I know all the ladies over at Fashionista and Clutch and a slew of other publications have been trilling that this OFFICIAL MAKEUP TREND is a BOLD, RUNWAY-READY CHOICE, one that takes CONFIDENCE AND DARING, but I think it takes a fucking brain injury to look at something the color of raggedy Hanes underwear and think Yes, Yes, I should wear that on my mouth.
You should be looking at flowers and exotic fruits and nice brocade fabrics to get your makeup inspiration, okay? Look at candy. Look at famous paintings. Do not look at elephants.
Here’s a checklist of how to tell if grey lipstick is for you:
1. Are you pop sensation Ke$ha?
2. Are you attending a costume party dressed as a rotten corpse?
If you answered no to both of the above, you are banned from the grey lipstick club. BANNED. No excuses.
This stuff is offensive to look at. It makes fucking MODELS look bad. That is Chanel Iman up there! She is so beautiful that she might actually be a hologram! And yet: the grey lipstick. It kills it. She looks like she’s about to go on stage for a high school production of The Fifth Element: The Musical.
I reject this trend, I reject its very existence. I reject the makeup artist who looks at a palette of colors and thinks, Hmmm…what the hell has no one done yet that is bound to get photographed? I reject the resultant chatter across the blogosphere that because something was featured on a runway, it Must Be Fashion.
Sometimes makeup artists are just fucking with us. (See: Lady Gaga.) Sometimes it’s art, sometimes it sparks a legit trend that is worth copying (See: J.Lo’s “I’m Real” video and the debut of all-over golden shimmery bronzer.) Sometimes it’s great, and sometimes it’s just grey lipstick that is, at first glance, so universally unflattering that it shocks people into thinking maybe they are missing something and should try it out, just in case.
THIS IS A TRAP.
We constantly have bullshit trends in beauty thrust upon us, unceremoniously, and it takes a lot of willpower to stand back and say No, That shit is not for me. Not everyone looks great with a bold lip, even if every blog on earth has featured it as the must-have accessory (other than a PS1 bag) of the season. Not everyone looks good with winged eyeliner, and not everyone looks good with claw nails. If you have been rocking peachy blush since 7th grade because it makes you look like a surfer dream, get at it, lady. Experiment constantly, but only to find what works for you. The best makeup doesn’t require an act of bravery to wear it out of the house. The best makeup makes you feel like a dime– grey lips not included.